Summary: After Riley leaves, Buffy's a wreck. Angel comes to save her from
Spoilers: some S5, Ats .
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the btvs characters.
Feedback: I'm begging!!!! Please!
Author's note: Just a little inspiration I got.
He walked inside the old mansion searching for her small figure. He was expecting to find her somewhere, crouched in a corner, helpless, weak, in need of comfort, crying. What he found was something else. He felt her desperation miles away, it wasn't only the sense of an elder vampire, but it was her, everything about her was so strong, so meaningful to him.
"I knew you'd come," she said as he climbed on the roof. "Spectacular view, huh? I mean you'd know. How long did you live here? A year?" she brought the cigar to her lips after sipping from half empty bottle of whisky. He couldn't stand seeing her like that. He wondered why she was there. Did she want to kill herself? Jump off the roof.
"You know, I came here to just take a big step in my life, but then I thought what the heck I could at least wait for you. And here you are." He was still quiet.
And he spoke that one word that made her tremble. See, it's already like a cheap line from a soap-opera.
"When did you start smoking? It's bad for your health," he said ignoring her words.
"I think that's the least of my problems. Let's see..."
"Buffy, don't be stupid. You save lives everyday, you save the world everyday. "
"And what? Am I suppose to dance around and sing 'I saved the world today'?" she made a pirouette. He barely kept himself from trying to catch her.
"Look at you. You're drunk," he said and tried to take her bottle. He failed miserably.
"Again, not the least of my problems. Now let's see my mom's dying, my sister isn't my sister, some big evil kicks my ass, my mom's doctor is actually the brother of the big evil, my boyfriend fucked and liked to get sucked by vamps, I train like hell and get beat up by the next undead scum and I have a real big problem dealing with my upcoming death. See, this," she rose the bottle, "not exactly a problem. Everyone has someone, me, it's just me against the world," she gestured towards the city.
"You have me," he said.
"Oh, yeah, I got you, babe." He closed his eyes, he hated her in this state. In a sudden urge of rage he grabbed her, immobilizing her arms enough to take her bottle and throw it of the roof on to the cold ground.
"Hey!" he took her cigar while she watched the crumbled bottle, squashing it between his fingers.
"Buffy you're strong. You don't need this," he pointed towards the broken glass.
"Well, it looks like you're wrong again. Excuse me, not everyone had a 100 years on their hands to deal with ugly, crazy, suicidal thoughts. Maybe if I wouldn't care... I could've been one of those old slayer, live a half of year then get killed," she was quiet for a moment. "Spike said every slayer has a death wish," she said pulling away from him to walk on the edge of the roof. "What do you think it's mine?"
"To die of old age," he hoped.
"No, try again."
"Only possibility I can offer," he said, thoughts of her death made him turn at night, squirm in his bed with fear, it was one of the few things he was afraid of, like at one point Darla's illness had.
"What if I'd like to die right now," she paused for a moment in one spot on the edge of the roof. "Right here, right now, in the arms of the man I love," she thought about it for a moment. "Yeah, I'd like that," she said as if it was the only thing that made sense at that moment. "I love you, right?"
"You tell me," he said, the fear growing inside him as she started to walk again.
"I love you," she said, in a childish way as if it was a known fact, as she almost collapsed." Look at the sky, so pretty and blue and all those shiny stars. I hate it. I liked when it rains. You know why?" Angel shook his head. "It reminds me of you. Of a certain night, when you made love to me. That's sounds so... retro. It's all sex sex sex. But, no it was love."
"Yes, it was."
"I'm one step away from killing myself and you're the only one who shows up. This world is so ungrateful," she said as if she was exasperated.
"You think?" he asked.
"Yeah. It always has. I mean look at us," she paused again. "There's no us anymore. You'd think they'd be just a little grateful and let me have you, but noooooo, you had to have a stupid curse. They suck. Those powers of yours."
"They didn't have anything to do with my curse or our breaking up or that I love you and I'm going to stop loving you."
"Love? What's love? Something written in words? Something painted in white? Something beyond our knowledge to understand?" she stopped his protests. "Or is it just something that lays within us, filling our minds of useless poetry, barfy feeling, dedication to some unseen deity? No, love is...many things, more and less, painful," she looked at him, "of beauty and life, it just is and I hated it. I can feel it churning inside when ever I see you, it just makes me want to scream."
"I don't know what love is. No one has a definition for it. And I can't tell you why its there or why it hurts. What I can tell you that it eats me up inside when ever I see you. It reminds me of everything we were and what we're now. And it hurts...I still love you," she looked at him strangely.
"You do? Why did you leave then?" she was on verge of breaking out in tears. She looked down. "What ever happened to us, Angel?" it was a whisper. He moved behind her, straddling her waist with his hands.
"I don't know," he said.
"Liar," she said in a small whisper. Her back leaned on his chest, his head fell to her shoulder, his lips brushing her neck and a forgotten scar, that seemed to have enlarged. "Go away. I want to jump", she said in a voice a little stronger.
"I say, we jump together. You're not only one who'd like to just get away from everything."
"Maybe we'll be together forever," she said a small smile crossing her face at the thought.
"Are you sure you want to do this?" she nodded. "At least we could go out with a bang," his hand slowly traced her abdomen, reaching under the waistband of her pants.
"I second that," she moved a little of the edge enough for him to move his hand further down. She moved for them to be face to face. "I don't want to jump," he removed his hand, she held it in place. "I want this," she kissed him deep. "I want you," his hand slipped out of her pants.
"We can't...," he was backing out. She moved back on the edge.
"No!" he moved behind her again pulling her back down. She laughed.
"It's one time deal, Angel. Either I get you or I jump off that edge. I might be drunk and I might not give a shit right now, but I know what I want. Even if maybe tomorrow I'll repent it. I want you," she kissed him again. "And I love you." He didn't say one word, he just kissed her, the same passion that had burned inside him so many times dissolved in one kiss.
//And once she was born of fire and steel and lived among the greatest beasts, and then she was changed and reborn of blissful winter and ice and the fire burned no more. Her veins once filled with rage and heat were abandoned to the coldness of the inexistent and forgotten harvest. But as she lay down to the ground, her pressed to the moist earth, the fire inside her sparked reminding her of the wildness of the land, the time she fought aside the beasts, and she was whole once more.//